


You act quite different, Natsu

by Sukilein161



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: F/M, Fluff, One Shot, Slow Burn, fillng the gapes of the manga, finally talking about their feelings, set during chapter 420
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-21 08:45:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15553998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sukilein161/pseuds/Sukilein161
Summary: "I had one single picture inside my head and this did never let me go. It was the moment I couldn't reach you anymore and you felt down this weird chasm"Finally, Natsu looked straight into my eyes for the first time in forever. His glance reflected exactly what he had told me: It showed a memory which seemed to be controlling him. But at the same time, his eyes were determined."Natsu, what do-"I wanted to ask but he cut me off in the middle of the sentence."Luce, I couldn't protect you. I was too weak" Natsu said bitterly and looked down. Now I understood. I understood that this moment was horrible for him, too. But of course, I wasn't the only one who had been suffering over the last year.





	You act quite different, Natsu

"You act quite different, Natsu," I said and looked at him skeptically. He raised his eyebrow and seemed rather confused. "Really?" I nodded. "Since you came back you act strangely like being not yourself" I explained leaning on the table. Natsu was sitting on the bed in which Happy was sleeping. It was late already.

"I don't know what you mean, Luce. I am being myself. Okay, I'm much stronger than I ever was before but that's it. Nothing else changed" Natsu replied while pointing with his hands on his body showing he was looking like always. I shook my head. "Natsu, I didn't mean that your look is different. No, it has something to do with the incident in the little village this afternoon" I said smiling a little bit. It was obvious that Natsu was looking almost the same as a year before. Only he grew a little bit and gained more muscles. Although… now that I thought about it, he did look quite different. His smile… it appeared much less on his face and was drawn away for a serious expression.

"What do you mean?" Natsu asked and looked even more confused. I sighed and closed my eyes for a little while. "Well, just after you’d challenged me to a fight and I even said yes, you became deathly serious within a second. And then, when you shoot your fire there was no urge to fight anymore. Moreover, you didn't even run to those bandits to trash with them" I took a deep breath. "Natsu, all this... This does not fit you. A year ago you would never ever miss the smallest fight. Not even against some pathetic thieves!" I ended up becoming a little louder and more desperate at the end. His whole behavior was one big mystery for me and I didn't know a single answer. That was the reason I confronted Natsu with my thoughts and questions, to begin with.

Natsu stretched himself on the bed and sighed quietly. "Oh Luce, that wasn't weird at all. I just didn't want to have only a small and easy fight. Rather I would like to find Gray as soon as possible so I can punch him really hard" Natsu explained and grinned not very convincing. Now it was my turn sighting. "I know, that's not true. Natsu, I know you very well. So please tell me what is going on!" I begged while going to the bed he was laying on. Carefully, so I wouldn't wake up Happy, I sat down and looked from above on his face. A flick of hair felt before my eyes whereupon Natsu raised his hand and put the flick gently behind my ear. Wondering about this unusual gesture I looked questioning at him, but Natsu was staring through my body. He seemed to think rather intently and was not here now.

Until now this conversation was not very successfully… I was even more confused and didn't know what the heck was going on with Natsu! How often could one see him thinking laboriously? Or being somehow tender and gentle?

I looked carefully at Natsu, hoping for him to finally answer. But he wasn't here with his thoughts yet and I hesitated to wake him with another question. I had to admit: His behavior terrified me. I had never seen him like that before.

"Right after I have left a year ago, I met Gildarts" Natsu suddenly said, but his glimpse still was going through my body. He seemed more to remember it by himself than telling it to me.

"I was so glad! And for the first time since… since the Tartaros incident, I was happy. But at night when Gildarts and Happy were already sleeping, well, I didn't feel that well…" Natsu admitted and laid his head on his crossed arms looking as thoughtfully as sadly.

"You know… the thing with Igneel and all…" He mumbled. I had to gulp. Until now Natsu had never spoken of his father's death. Although I could have helped him somehow there had never been any conversation. I mean, right after the catastrophe Natsu had been gone for one long year. And now, finally, he began to talk about probably the most horrible moment of his life. Or at least he mentioned it.

"I was really exhausted. The fight against these idiots from Tartaros did leave its scars. And besides Igneel I had to think about something else all the time" Natsu explained quietly while he sat up. His eyes were still down.

"I had one single picture inside my head and this did never let me go. It was the moment I couldn't reach you anymore and you felt down this weird chasm"

Finally, Natsu looked straight into my eyes for the first time in forever. His glance reflected exactly what he had told me: It showed a memory which seemed to be controlling him. But at the same time, his eyes were determined.

"Natsu, what do-"I wanted to ask but he cut me off in the middle of the sentence.

"Luce, I couldn't protect you. I was too weak" Natsu said bitterly and looked down. Now I understood. I understood that this moment was horrible for him, too. But of course, I wasn't the only one who had been suffering over the last year. Although my personal consequences were so big and still not to bear. Only the thought of it hurt so much even one year after the incident.

Nonetheless, I wanted to calm Natsu. This serious view and this serious voice were horrible.

I smiled tiredly.  "Don't worry, Natsu. In the end, everything worked out well. If I hadn't felt down, I wouldn't have saved you" I said trying hard not to think about how I achieved it. As if Natsu had read my mind he looked furiously and answered bitterly: "Yes, you did save us; by sacrificing Aquarius, by sacrificing a friend! I know how horrible it was for you so stop acting like it wasn't" I didn't plan to do that. But I had to calm him somehow. Even though Natsu didn't let me. He looked at me again with a very bitter expression on his face.

"And why did happen all this? Why did Igneel have to die? Because I was too weak. I was a pathetic weakling" His voice broke up, he looked down.

Without any intention, I brought up a topic which did bother him and was making him suffer.

I watched Natsu sadly and with a feeling of pain, but couldn't answer, couldn't react first. It hurt so much seeing Natsu suffer. So, after a while, my body finally acted! On their own, my arms lifted and laid around Natsu. Like he did once for me, I hugged him deeply.

At first, Natsu didn't move at all but then I felt his arms around me, too. At it seemed to help him. And my deep wounds began to heal slowly as well. Aquarius' lost was horrible and so unbelievable big, yes, but Natsu had been right when he'd said she was always with me. And now that he and Happy were with me, too, all cuts and bruise could be patched up. Finally, I didn't feel lonely anymore!

"After I got to know what it feels like to lose somebody I swore myself this" Natsu whispered into my ear "I will never ever lose somebody again. Especially I don't want to lose you, Luce. You are my teammate and much more. Without Igneel and without you I wouldn't know what to do. That's why I didn't fight today. Now that I am strong enough I don't want to leave you alone anymore. You matter far too much to me" Natsu admitted grinning and the serious glance was finally gone; whereas I was smiling shyly and touched at the same time. Natsu had never said something that affecting and that emotional! So, I wanted to respond but didn't know what to say. I couldn't find the right words to express my feelings.

Natsu confessed to me and now it was my turn to do so. However, I had never thought about what he meant to me. Was it love? I didn't know. Okay, I had to do it step by step: Natsu was so important to me. When he left me with only a little note as goodbye I felt more than just sad and lonely. As if a part of mine was missing I wasn't complete for one long year. And now with him being back by my side, I didn't want to let him go ever again. Natsu had to stick by my side no matter what! Moreover, did he make me laugh anytime and one glance at his face my heart and the pain became lighter.

Everything was indicative that I loved him. Should I reply with that? "Natsu, you mean so much to me, too. I think I love you" No, I wouldn't answer like that. Besides, Natsu hadn't told me exactly that he loved me. He only confessed how important I was for him probably not meaning it was the true love.

Wait, what was I thinking right now?! 15 minutes ago, I asked Natsu if he was alright. And now I thought about the question of whether we loved us or not. How did I come here? Oh, yes, right! Natsu told me his most private and most painful thoughts and memories. Inappropriate for me thinking about such unnecessary questions. I had to respond with something proper. I did owe him an answer!

In the end, I returned Natsu's glance and smile. "Thank you for telling me all this. Finally, I understand you and why you left a year ago" I said quietly while my hand, acting on its own, laid on his cheek. It seemed he clung to it, but I was probably wrong.

"Yeah, I just had to become stronger" Natsu respond and seemed unbelievable mature at this moment. I couldn't explain it myself but he was much older and mature right now.

"You know, the last year was pretty boring," I said thinking about the various lonely hours that somehow still hurt somewhere deep down in my chest. But I forgave Natsu.

"I never noticed how often actually you were in my apartment. And even though usually I became furious when you two broke in I did miss that" While speaking I ignored that I blushed lightly. It wasn't that embarrassing, but it was unfamiliar talking that honestly about my feelings. Even when I noticed the slight red blush on Natsu's cheeks when he smiled at me I wasn't feeling awkward. There was only a strange sensation inside my stomach. Like a knot which tightened more and more. But it wasn't unpleasant.

"I missed you, Natsu. You mean so much to me, too" I confessed finally and a shy smile turned into a happy grin. Speaking those words out loud felt right and now I was more honest than I was ever before.

Maybe it wasn't deep and true love yet like I read about in my books, but it didn't matter anyway. We meant so much to each other and we could always rely on the other. That was the most important.

To clarify how I felt I wrapped my arms around him and nestle up to Natsu's chest. At first, he seemed to be rather perplexed but then returned the hug. His incomparable warmth devolved upon my body and for the first time, I noticed his scent. It was a mixture of smoke and woods, actually pretty tangy but at the same time familiar. His perfume and his heat lulled me into an unbelievable feeling of security so I had the wish of never letting Natsu go again.

 

It is funny that sometimes you exactly get what you want. Natsu and I did hug each other for quite a while and enjoyed this familiarity. Maybe we would have stayed even longer like this if I hadn't yawned and the tiredness strived for attention. So, I let go of Natsu and stood up.

"I think we should go to bed and get some sleep. Tomorrow will be a long day… "I said smiling after Natsu looked kind of sour when we had separated. Like a little child that lost one of his toys.

"Well, I think you are right. But could I maybe sleep in your bed? Holding you in the night would make me sleep much better" Natsu asked and looked so cute and innocent I couldn't say no. Besides, I wanted to fall asleep in his arms as well. I couldn't think of anything better right now.

Still, I was concerned and asked if he had slept badly in the past. Natsu shook his head. "I don't know why but since Tartaros I dream about some weird stuff… Sometimes about Igneel's death or… about yours" He confessed and looked away. I knew immediately what Natsu meant "my death" The incident with my future-self, back then after the magic games... Igneel's death besides, I had never seen him that desperate and angry before.

So, if my answer weren't "Yes", now it would be.

I got ready for bed and laid down to Natsu who was already in the bed seems to be happy. Happy slept at the end of the bed and snorted quietly. A bit shy I made myself comfortable in Natsu's arms and cuddled under the blanket. It was warm, yes. The insecurity was gone fast because I felt so well lying next to him. And even though it was the first time sleeping with Natsu in the same bed I knew I didn't want to be alone at night ever again.

Because somewhere I did love Natsu deeply. This I realized when Natsu pulled me closer and whispered quietly, almost asleep, into my ear: "I missed you, too, Luce. I missed you very much"


End file.
